What is “Stoner Madness?” Last month we featured some dank flower suggestions that will make all stoners mad with envy or good vibes. This month’s Stoner Madness will feature some crazy, desperate and hilarious things that stoners have done to get what they want…WEED! We all know that the need to score the good stuff is a challenge especially with the constant battle to pay bills and meet responsibilities. Well, you’re not alone. Read what these Stoner Magazine readers have to say!
/’stōnər/ Someone who happily and habitually
From Chelsea in Portland
One spring night me and the girls were celebrating graduating from college. We had tons of food, drinks and a small bag of nugs to pass around. Well…as the night wore on more and more people were coming and our bag slowly shrunk from a few nugs to dust. We got on Craigslist and found someone who would deliver us a ¼ ounce. Finally after about an hour of waiting they showed up and it was a $150! We didn’t have enough cash so we traded our computer for it. Pretty desperate but it was good weed and we were celebrating! In the morning we realized that it was a pretty bad decision, but it was too late!
From Ben in Pendleton
It was a sunny Thursday morning and I didn’t have to work that day. I thought, “hey it’s a great day to get high and chill out.” I went to my stash and saw that a mouse had eaten through my stash container and decimated my weed! What was I to do? At the time I was out of money, I had just paid bills. I had NO cash. So I took off on my bike and started collecting any cans that I could find, and i even hit up the neighbors to see if I could mow their yard or do some chores for some extra $$. Finally it was like 7:00 at night and I had $50! By the time I got back home and could smoke a bowl it was 9:00 and I was exhausted. Sitting back I realized that I worked more that day then I would have if I was at my job…and for what? A tiny bag of weed that I was too tired to even smoke! Good times!
From Chris in Medford
One time when my car broke down, I ran three miles in the dead of winter to get a dime bag. By the time I ran back I was so cold I couldn’t feel my feet. I was probably experiencing the beginning stages of hypothermia, but it was worth it!
From Peter in Bend
Back in the day, I traveled with my band to Los Angeles, CA to record a demo. We wanted to get high and hear our tracks, so one of our friends went out with $50 out of our meager funds to score some herb on Sunset Boulevard. He came back 20 minutes later with a baggie of something so gooey and fluorescent green it looked like grass clippings mixed with a foreign clear glue-like substance. In fact… It was grass clippings, ha! We were outraged and in our 20 year old minds, decided to go find the guy and ask for a refund. We marched out of the studio back onto Sunset and found him. After asking him for a refund, he turned and ran. We were about to chase him when a police car drove up onto the sidewalk, got out, frisked us and asked us what we were doing there. “Don’t you know this is a known drug area?” “Ah…No sir, we didn’t know, we’re just tourists here!” Out $50 and lacking smokeable buds, we went back to the studio and wrapped up our session, naming the song “Budless.”
From James in Salem
It was a really cold winter back in 09’ and like many know, the snow had crippled Salem. I found myself going stir crazy as I was stuck over the West Salem bridge with no weed. I had been hanging out with a couple neighbors of mine and we came up with a genius idea! I had already tried to drive my little car, I called the rabbit, down the street to no avail… but with the help of many hands, I was hoping to get enough momentum going to get me off my street. After slipping and sliding in the snow, we managed to push me on my way. I made it all the way over the West Salem bridge and through Keizer before I got stuck in the 2 inches of snow that littered our valley floor. I was SO thankful when I found myself only a few blocks from my buddies house; I was able to walk to his place and warm up on a game of Halo and hit from the Volcano. It was definitely a successful mission!
From Tara in Portland, formally of Redmond
When recreational cannabis became legal in Washington State, I lived in Southern Oregon. I made several trips to Washington to indulge in great ganja but was afraid to bring it back to Oregon since it wasn’t completely legal here. Well, that became a very expensive habit since I don’t drive and had to take a bus, train or fly and then stay in a hotel while there. Eventually I completely changed my life by moving to Portland where I had no friends, no family and no home. I figured for the cost of one trip to Washington for pleasure, I could stay in Portland in a cheap hotel while I transitioned to my new job and found a place to call home. It made sense to me that I could simply ride my bicycle across the bridge to Vancouver to get ahold of my beloved bud so I left everything and everyone I knew behind and entered Portlandia! I thought the only thing that would change for me was convenience in getting high, but I was so wrong! Becoming a Portlander seemed to move me into the center of the cannabis universe.
Everywhere I went, people were indulging in weed! I smelled it often in parks, walking or riding down the street or in clubs and taverns, and literally got high from second hand smoke on more than one occasion. Now that it is legal in Oregon I have been thinking about moving back to Southern Oregon to be with my family and lifelong friends but I’m afraid I’ll miss the Portland culture I’ve grown to love! What can I say? I am a true Oregonian and stoner.